


Glowing stars

by alwerakoo



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Boys In Love, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Hurt/Comfort, Larry Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) Being an Asshole, Love, M/M, Panic Attacks, Soft Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Treebros, but not too much Angst, but only mention like once, they're shirtless but its PG13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-13 02:30:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20166673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwerakoo/pseuds/alwerakoo
Summary: In which Connor and Evan talk about their dads.





	Glowing stars

**Author's Note:**

> My 2 fic in English! Feel free to leave a comment!

"" My father put them there when I was little. I insisted on wanting to do it myself, so he lifted me up, but I looked down and got so scared of the heights that I started to cry. Mum tried to calm me down for an hour."" 

Connor laughed softly. Gently, and if Evan wasn't that close, he wouldn't even hear it.

Pale greenish light reflected on his pale forearms and nose, and Evan suddenly felt like touching this newly discovered territory again. Maybe it wasn't the first time he saw Connor's bare arms, but he certainly saw him shirtless for the first time. And Connor had a really nice collarbone, but it seemed so random and strange to Evan that he didn't dare say it out loud.

Connor, however, didn't hesitate a few minutes ago, pulling Evan on his laps and kissing all over his face, and seemed so entertained by the fact that Evan was incredibly ticklish everywhere. Then he clutched a fistful of blonde's t-shirt and a moment later, both of their shirts were on the floor right next to the bed.

And then they just fell back on the bed, bare feet still on the floor, panting and giggling.

Connor was holding his hand, which still made Evan feel warm all over his body.

"When I was little" Connor started, but then he stopped and shook his head. "Never mind. It's so random.”

"No, say it!" Evan turned to his side, taking Connors hand in both of his ''I wan all of these random stories you have.”

Connor laughed, but in a very muffled way, more like a sigh. He stared at the green stars on the ceiling until he opened his mouth again.

''When I was little ... Larry bought me a book for Christmas. A stupid one, you know, for kids. I don't remember what it was called-''

Evan raised an eyebrow and Connor rolled his eyes.

''Okay, I remember. "Wild animals and their adventures." Hey, don't laugh! Anyway, I really liked it. To the point that I didn't want to go to sleep until he read it out loud for me. I usually passed out after few pages so it wasn't too bad. Anyway, it was like that for several years. It actually lasted far pass the age when it was normal to have a bedtime story everyday. But I guess I just really liked this book a lot. Or maybe just ...”

He bit his lip, so Evan pulled his hand up to his face, kissing it gently.

''Go on.''

''Or maybe I liked how he was paying full attention to me. When you have a job and two small children constantly demanding attention, it's hard to divide your time equally between both of them... So it was the only time when I felt that he was there only for me. Anyway, one evening I asked if he would read it to me. He was sitting in his office room and was packed with papers, but he said he will be there soon. So I went to the room and laid down. And I waited.''

''And?''

''I woke up in the morning.''

Connor sighed, turning to meet his eyes for the first time.''

''He didn't came. He didn't even apologize. And I never asked him to read it for me again. I was so pissed at him that I stuffed this book somewhere in the closet, because I couldn't force myself to throw it out.''

Oh.

Evan looked at their intertwined hands.

''If it makes it any better, when my dad was still living with us, we went on trips to different amusement parks. Just me and him. Always at the same time of the year, in the fall, because there were less people then. When I was seven years old, I had a panic attack before going on one ride and I couldn't calm down. At that time I wasn't ...diagnosed yet, so my parents had no idea what to do in situations like this. And my father probably thought I was just throwing a tantrum . And he told me to quit it because if I won't stop crying, he would leave me there alone. It didn't really help and I just started sobbing harder. He dragged me to the car and shouted that if he heard anything from me on the ride back to home, he will drop me off here and there and I would have to come back on foot. I was so scared to even breathe. We got back home and I didn't say anything to my mom. I'm even sure he knows about it at all. Anyway, I decided to try my best and not have any meltdowns next time. But the was no next time, because in the winter, dad wasn't living with us anymore. And for a long time I was angry at him for leaving us, but then I started to get angry at myself for ruining my last vacation. And in general, our last year together. Mine and his. But now...''

''But now?''

''I think I got over it. I mean, it still hurts when I think about it. And I don't know if it will ever stop. But I understood that it wasn't entirely his fault. And not mine either. We just ... sometimes we do things that can hurt a lot of people. Sometimes consciously, sometimes not... But maybay it has to be this way. And after all of this, I try not to look at the past and hate him for it. I want a fresh start. Does that make any sense?''

Connor frowned, but nodded.

''Dads sucks.''

They both laughed.

"That's not what I meant" he murmured and Connor suddenly turned serious.

''I know.''

They stayed silent for a moment, staring again at the green stickers on the ceiling, holding hands, a little harder this time.

''I'd like to give him a chance.''

''Good decision''

''Larry is not ... a bad guy''

For the first time, Evan heard someone describe his father in that way. But Connor was not very good at words, is what he learned when he invited Evan on their first date because "you're cool and I like when you talk about trees and you are handsome, I guess?"

''He just ... He never tried to get me. Maybe he thought it would happen automatically, but apparently ... no.''

''Or maybe you just didn't let him?''

Connor frowned and seemed like he was going to argue for a moment, but eventually closed his eyes and sighed.

''Maybe.''

Evan leaned over and kissed his bare shoulder.

''Maybe if you'll try harder, he'll do the same.''

Connor turned to look at him. For a split second his eyebrows knitted, and Evan felt something in his chest tighten.

''Hey, Evan?''

''Yeah?''

''Thanks. For, um, being there. For me.''

Evan laughed softly, moving closer so that their noses would practically touch.

''You're welcome.''

They were silent for a moment, staring into each other's eyes. And then Connor ran his fingers over his cheek and leaned forward closing his eyes, so Evan kinda moved back and asked:

''Hey, do you still have that book?''

Connor blinked, then laughed out loud, covering his face with hands.

''Maybe.'' he mumbled behind his palms

''Can I see it?''

Connor gave up on covering his face so that he could rest his hands on Evan's hips, moving to his thighs in a fluent motion.

"If you shut up, get your ass over here and let me kiss you, I'll think about it."

And Evan just couldn't turn down such a tempting offer.


End file.
